It is exactly 10 PM..you are probably in bed because you have been up since 5:05 AM. I am sitting on the couch with a cold nose; we have a draft coming through the picture window that could blow out birthday candles. I have two balls of yarn resting on one side, another ball caked on my leg and yet another ball on the other side of me. I have spent all my down time tonight looking at patterns on Ravelry. I finished a wonderful cowl this morning made out of Manos. It is perfect....now I need about 5 more and have been scouring Ravelry and checking my stash to decide what to cast on next. I leave on Sunday for my business trip and must have the best project...or 5 to bring with me. It is a hard decision, because what if I get there and I hate the project I have with me? I will never make it the week with a boring project AND no children. I will bring way too many books also for the same reason...what if the one I chose sucks and I need something else. What if I am feeling like chic lit and all I have is a mystery? I am a bit less worried about the books at the moment because I will bring my kindle and can always choose a new book to download...but I cannot just choose a new project with yarn to download at a moment's notice.
I have made progress on the DAMN sweater. One sleeve and side is sewn; leaving only the other sleeve/side and collar. I need to finish these by the end of the week since we will be celebrating Christmas with my Dad the Sunday I return. I cannot wait to have this sweater out of my house...I may ask my Dad not to wear it around me.
I am almost done with the Cowl for my mom...so close. I tried to finish it while watching multiple episodes of the Deadliest Catch Season 4, but I still have a little. I bought my sister a ring and a bracelet for Christmas so now I don't have to knit her anything. I am going to keep the yarn for myself, for another cowl. I am feeling some knitting urgency. It is cold here and I need knit items to keep me warm! I need to finish the flip top mittens from last year; they will be warm.
Well, I must go snuggle in bed with my husband....he is so toasty.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Five Stages of Grief
I have been waking up at 5:05 a.m. every day since the clocks changed. I am not exaggerating, and I don't mean work days. I am literal when I write 5:05 a.m. every day. I have spent the past six weeks working my way through the 5 stages of grief over this tragedy -- Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
I was a good sport about the whole thing in the beginning. I guess it is easy to be a good sport when you are in denial. It's natural to have to adjust after a time change, right? Everyone goes through at least a day or two of wonky sleep. By hump-day the extra hour a day was starting to wear on me, but I trudged through the last couple of days, looking forward to the weekend.
On that very first Saturday, the clock was inching toward 5:06 a.m. as I rolled over and was instantly thrust into phase two. I've never been one to do something halfway. True to form, my version of the Anger Phase would be more accurately described as complete rage. My inner dialogue went a bit like this.
Okay. I admit, it wasn't exactly my inner dialogue. I said these things, and more. And, I said them out loud (while throwing a pillow or two).
There may have been a couple of days of Bargaining. I approached the problem from a few angles, using my favorite legal chemical aide -- coffee in new and creative ways with little effect. An added cup of coffee in the afternoon just meant I was awake later into the night, making 5:05 a.m. all the worse. Skipping coffee all together seemed a bit drastic, but I was willing to try anything. By 11 a.m. I had a withdrawal headache. I backslid to the Anger Phase and was quite happy to sulk there for the rest of the day.
5:05 a.m. the following day was the beginning of Depression. As always, I approached depression like any woman good enough to call herself a knitter, with knitting needles in hand. I have been sleepily knitting my way through the gray, dismal days of Phase Four. The cold, overcast days of Cleveland winter have made it all the more natural to hunker down with the many colors of my Noro Log Cabin Blanket. The warmth of the wool and repetition of the simple stitches have soothed my bitter anger and quited my bargaining mind. The glorious palette has nudged me to a better place.
On Tuesday I received my online order of Noro. (Having thoroughly ravaged the Kureyon stocks at my LYS, River Colors Studio, I ordered the remaining 6 colors from Jimmy Beans Wool.) On Thursday I awoke at my new normal. Instead of tossing and turning, or blankly staring at the ceiling for 45 minutes, I simply got out of bed. At 5:35 a.m., cozily settled in my knitting chair with a fresh pot of french press and blanket square number 11, I arrived at acceptance.
I was a good sport about the whole thing in the beginning. I guess it is easy to be a good sport when you are in denial. It's natural to have to adjust after a time change, right? Everyone goes through at least a day or two of wonky sleep. By hump-day the extra hour a day was starting to wear on me, but I trudged through the last couple of days, looking forward to the weekend.
On that very first Saturday, the clock was inching toward 5:06 a.m. as I rolled over and was instantly thrust into phase two. I've never been one to do something halfway. True to form, my version of the Anger Phase would be more accurately described as complete rage. My inner dialogue went a bit like this.
"You've got to be kidding me. This is ridiculous! For goodness sakes, I've traveled halfway around the world from Asia to New England, then a short 36 hours later hopped on a plane to Africa with less interrupted sleep than this. What the hell!"
Okay. I admit, it wasn't exactly my inner dialogue. I said these things, and more. And, I said them out loud (while throwing a pillow or two).
There may have been a couple of days of Bargaining. I approached the problem from a few angles, using my favorite legal chemical aide -- coffee in new and creative ways with little effect. An added cup of coffee in the afternoon just meant I was awake later into the night, making 5:05 a.m. all the worse. Skipping coffee all together seemed a bit drastic, but I was willing to try anything. By 11 a.m. I had a withdrawal headache. I backslid to the Anger Phase and was quite happy to sulk there for the rest of the day.
5:05 a.m. the following day was the beginning of Depression. As always, I approached depression like any woman good enough to call herself a knitter, with knitting needles in hand. I have been sleepily knitting my way through the gray, dismal days of Phase Four. The cold, overcast days of Cleveland winter have made it all the more natural to hunker down with the many colors of my Noro Log Cabin Blanket. The warmth of the wool and repetition of the simple stitches have soothed my bitter anger and quited my bargaining mind. The glorious palette has nudged me to a better place.
On Tuesday I received my online order of Noro. (Having thoroughly ravaged the Kureyon stocks at my LYS, River Colors Studio, I ordered the remaining 6 colors from Jimmy Beans Wool.) On Thursday I awoke at my new normal. Instead of tossing and turning, or blankly staring at the ceiling for 45 minutes, I simply got out of bed. At 5:35 a.m., cozily settled in my knitting chair with a fresh pot of french press and blanket square number 11, I arrived at acceptance.
Monday, November 29, 2010
This is like Ble-mail
This is like email almost with us writing so much...
Sorry you are feeling crabby. I tend to be a stress or crabby eater. I am trying to get away from that so I having been doing some retail therapy as a way to keep it at bay. I have been buying a new book I might want or I will buy new yarn! Most recently I bought the book Revolution. It was quite good. It is a young adult novel about the french revolution; a little historical fiction. I also like to got to bed and watch tv or something like that.
I can't wait to take some pictures of some of the things I am working on. I am not sure if I told you about the three balls of Rios I bought. I bought Paris Night! It is a deep navy blue. I am going to make a hat for the husband and I have been wanting to make the Peaks Island Hood. I am trying not to cast on anything until I finish a couple of things. So I picked up my dad's DAMN sweater and have made progress. I am hoping to finish the neck tonight. Right now nutty girl has me watching Skating with the Stars. It is painful.
I was off all day today and besides going to grocery store and doing some vacuuming I watched the Deadliest Catch ALL DAY. It is like a soap opera..or a train wreck. I cannot avert my eyes. Melissa and I are gonna go to Connecticut and see three of captains do a show...we are tools.
Well, back to knitting the DAMN sweater. I have to work all day tomorrow so there will be no knitting until the evening. Have a cheery day!!
Love you -Mean It
Sarah
Sorry you are feeling crabby. I tend to be a stress or crabby eater. I am trying to get away from that so I having been doing some retail therapy as a way to keep it at bay. I have been buying a new book I might want or I will buy new yarn! Most recently I bought the book Revolution. It was quite good. It is a young adult novel about the french revolution; a little historical fiction. I also like to got to bed and watch tv or something like that.
I can't wait to take some pictures of some of the things I am working on. I am not sure if I told you about the three balls of Rios I bought. I bought Paris Night! It is a deep navy blue. I am going to make a hat for the husband and I have been wanting to make the Peaks Island Hood. I am trying not to cast on anything until I finish a couple of things. So I picked up my dad's DAMN sweater and have made progress. I am hoping to finish the neck tonight. Right now nutty girl has me watching Skating with the Stars. It is painful.
I was off all day today and besides going to grocery store and doing some vacuuming I watched the Deadliest Catch ALL DAY. It is like a soap opera..or a train wreck. I cannot avert my eyes. Melissa and I are gonna go to Connecticut and see three of captains do a show...we are tools.
Well, back to knitting the DAMN sweater. I have to work all day tomorrow so there will be no knitting until the evening. Have a cheery day!!
Love you -Mean It
Sarah
You are the best, and I love the blog!
Hi Sarah,
I am already starting to love the blog. I was completely and supremely grumpy when I got home tonight. It didn't make sense, because we got great news about my mom and I had some good things happen at work. Nonetheless, I was the kind of grouchy that makes you cringe -- so cantankerous I couldn't even stand myself. Then I found your post. I am still irritable, but the blog took the edge off.
My mom's CT was all clear. The concerning shadows on her X-ray were scar tissue. What a giant relief. I worked so hard all weekend to keep my fears at bay. Once I knew the coast was clear, I think everything hit me all at once. I really hate being so far away from my familia. It just feels wrong. Of course, I know you aren't going to argue with that one.
As you know, my coping mechanism of choice is to knit. Tonight I am going to work on the Purpursa Winter Hat. I am already at the decreases, so it shouldn't be long now. I tried to get a photo, but just couldn't capture the luxurious deep purple. The Malabrigo Rios is so deliciously rich, I had a hard time resisting the urge to knit all day at work. At one point, I had to remind myself that it would in fact be a little strange to wear the unfinished hat while answering emails. Moments like this make me miss working from home :)
I have been knitting my way through bad days for so long, I can't even remember how I used to cope. While I was inching toward unbearable disgust with myself today, I was shocked to realize I was wishing it were karate night. There is just something wonderful about having a chance to kick and punch something without retribution.
Years ago, I had a list of ways to take care of yourself. Writing it now, I see how dorky that sounds. But I swear, it was wonderful. There were all sorts of things on the list, everything from taking a walk and calling a friend, to taking a shower or writing a letter. Most of the time, just reading the list made me feel better.
So, my friend, I am wondering what you do to get through a rough day?
Love,
Lj
I am already starting to love the blog. I was completely and supremely grumpy when I got home tonight. It didn't make sense, because we got great news about my mom and I had some good things happen at work. Nonetheless, I was the kind of grouchy that makes you cringe -- so cantankerous I couldn't even stand myself. Then I found your post. I am still irritable, but the blog took the edge off.
My mom's CT was all clear. The concerning shadows on her X-ray were scar tissue. What a giant relief. I worked so hard all weekend to keep my fears at bay. Once I knew the coast was clear, I think everything hit me all at once. I really hate being so far away from my familia. It just feels wrong. Of course, I know you aren't going to argue with that one.
As you know, my coping mechanism of choice is to knit. Tonight I am going to work on the Purpursa Winter Hat. I am already at the decreases, so it shouldn't be long now. I tried to get a photo, but just couldn't capture the luxurious deep purple. The Malabrigo Rios is so deliciously rich, I had a hard time resisting the urge to knit all day at work. At one point, I had to remind myself that it would in fact be a little strange to wear the unfinished hat while answering emails. Moments like this make me miss working from home :)
I have been knitting my way through bad days for so long, I can't even remember how I used to cope. While I was inching toward unbearable disgust with myself today, I was shocked to realize I was wishing it were karate night. There is just something wonderful about having a chance to kick and punch something without retribution.
Years ago, I had a list of ways to take care of yourself. Writing it now, I see how dorky that sounds. But I swear, it was wonderful. There were all sorts of things on the list, everything from taking a walk and calling a friend, to taking a shower or writing a letter. Most of the time, just reading the list made me feel better.
So, my friend, I am wondering what you do to get through a rough day?
Love,
Lj
Sunday, November 28, 2010
BLOG
Hi Friend-
Ok, I am kind of surprised that you would think that this could not work. We always have something to discuss. I think possibly no one will read it or care what we have to say, but we certainly have plenty to say. I have had fun today setting up the design. Thanks for the cool title...we are so one stitch short of a row.
I will keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers and knit on it....
So you know that I have one more knitting project to finish before the end of the year to meet my 10 FO's from UFO's. Do you think if I finish a cowl with yarn I bought last year that it will count or do I already have to have started it in '09? I am working on a cowl that I will give to my sister and I am going to start one to give to my mom. I already had the yarn for both so....These will both be Christmas knits and I have to finished that damn sweater for my dad. It has been 4 years not that I have been working on it......EWWW. I cannot wait to be rid of that sweater.
I already told you that I had finished my brooks farm sweater. The pattern is Goodale by Cecily Glowick Macdonald. It was a very enjoyable pattern to knit and for me I did it in record time. I wore it to the Rockettes show yesterday and looked like a rockstar.
I have been feeling the need to finish up some almost finished objects. I have a scarf that is super close to being done and an almost finished sweater for nutty girl...I had to buy more buttons because the others were stolen with the rest of my knitting gear..Bastards.
I'm reading the Bells at the moment and it is only mediocre. I may have to quit it after 100 pages if it doesn't get any better. I am also plugging away at The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest and it is good, but not riveting. I am having trouble getting into anything at the moment. I may be going back to Ann Shirley, an old stand-by.
I am still watching all my shows, but a lot have been repeats this week because of the holiday. I quit the Event finally; I just couldn't get into it. That brings me down to about 16 hours of t.v. a week I think :)
Did I tell you I bought three balls of Rios last week?? In Tiverton, on sale....
OK, I have blabbered on forever....of course we have enough to talk about. But does anyone want to listen?
Love ya-Mean it
Sarah
Ok, I am kind of surprised that you would think that this could not work. We always have something to discuss. I think possibly no one will read it or care what we have to say, but we certainly have plenty to say. I have had fun today setting up the design. Thanks for the cool title...we are so one stitch short of a row.
I will keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers and knit on it....
So you know that I have one more knitting project to finish before the end of the year to meet my 10 FO's from UFO's. Do you think if I finish a cowl with yarn I bought last year that it will count or do I already have to have started it in '09? I am working on a cowl that I will give to my sister and I am going to start one to give to my mom. I already had the yarn for both so....These will both be Christmas knits and I have to finished that damn sweater for my dad. It has been 4 years not that I have been working on it......EWWW. I cannot wait to be rid of that sweater.
I already told you that I had finished my brooks farm sweater. The pattern is Goodale by Cecily Glowick Macdonald. It was a very enjoyable pattern to knit and for me I did it in record time. I wore it to the Rockettes show yesterday and looked like a rockstar.
I have been feeling the need to finish up some almost finished objects. I have a scarf that is super close to being done and an almost finished sweater for nutty girl...I had to buy more buttons because the others were stolen with the rest of my knitting gear..Bastards.
I'm reading the Bells at the moment and it is only mediocre. I may have to quit it after 100 pages if it doesn't get any better. I am also plugging away at The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest and it is good, but not riveting. I am having trouble getting into anything at the moment. I may be going back to Ann Shirley, an old stand-by.
I am still watching all my shows, but a lot have been repeats this week because of the holiday. I quit the Event finally; I just couldn't get into it. That brings me down to about 16 hours of t.v. a week I think :)
Did I tell you I bought three balls of Rios last week?? In Tiverton, on sale....
OK, I have blabbered on forever....of course we have enough to talk about. But does anyone want to listen?
Love ya-Mean it
Sarah
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
blog post?
Dear Sarah,
So, I have been thinking a lot about this blog, and honestly, I’ve been thinking there is no way this will work. I cannot imagine finding a rhythm to life that includes writing on a regular basis. Besides, do we really have anything to say? I know that most days we are the most entertaining piece of my life, but will that really translate to the outside world? I don’t want to be a naysayer, but I do have just one more concern…how will we ever stop talking on the phone long enough to have something to write about?
Now that I have all those doubts aside, I figured I would just jump right in and get started. Never mind that we don’t have a blog, or even the faintest idea how to blog…I am just going to start writing you notes and we’ll see where this goes.
My mom is going for a CT scan today. There is a real chance that her breast cancer is back, and that it is in her lungs. I am anxious and sad, and I am trying not to get ahead of myself and start freaking out. Needless to say, this would be a lot easier if I could knit. Since the powers that be seem to frown upon that here at work, I am going to have to find another way. But don’t be fooled, I really only want to be knitting.
I first learned how to knit 5 years ago when my mom was going through chemo. I have known how to crochet since I was a kid, but I never learned how to knit. I was getting heavy into delicious yarn, and it was becoming a problem for my wallet. When I learned that knitting uses 30% less yarn than crochet I did the math and instantly needed wanted to learn. My mom went through a knitting phase (12 lopi sweaters in one year!), but she absolutely refused to teach me how to knit. She gave me every excuse in the book. “I don’t have time. I don’t know how to teach. Why do you want to knit, anyway? You already know how to crochet!” When she was going through chemo, I saw my opportunity!
I went with her to as many sessions as possible. We would settle into the room and get mom all set to go. As soon as she was securely stuck in her chemo chair, I would take out my “Teach Yourself to Knit Kit” and begin. She remained true to her resolve, refusing every step of the way to teach me anything. But as soon as I made a mistake, there she would be. “Oh, for goodness sake! Come over here. That isn’t how you do it.” Before she was done with her course of treatment, I was well on my way to being a knitter – with a special knack for fixing my mistakes. It is amazing to think that was already so long ago, but at the same time I can’t believe I’ve only been a knitter for 5 years. Knitting is so integral to who I am, I can’t imagine myself without it. Especially now, as we face the thought of a recurrence, I can’t imagine life without knitting.
Here’s hoping that knitting will once again be the medicine necessary to help mom and I deflect the tough feelings and trudge our way through.
Love,
Lj
PS. I hope you see how I have signed my name. The last problem I have with the idea of this blog is my name. Honestly, it makes me cringe when people call me Lisa. The only reason I let you get away with it is because I love you to death. You could call me Shit Head and I would turn a blind eye. If we are going to have a blog though, I think you’ll have to call me Lj.
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